Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
