ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just want nice things and good sex
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
