I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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