I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
