Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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