Barsexuality is the new black.
love makes seman taste better
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
