he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
