you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
