true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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