i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
