i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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