just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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