Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
