So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
