Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
