I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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