Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
