I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
this hospital has no fireball
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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