Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
