Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
