Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
