My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
