Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
