Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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