i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
