Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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