I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize