They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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