Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
