So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is it because I queefed?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
