even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
