After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
its liver damage thursday
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