her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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