Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
