We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
