Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
