with your own penis?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
