Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
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I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
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yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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