Only a mothe r could love this liver
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
