I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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