I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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