She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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