the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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