Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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