is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
