If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i love accidental penises.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
