I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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