so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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