i would punch a child for taco bell
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
