9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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