he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
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i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
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I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?