All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.