Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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