Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?