I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go