I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
