this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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