I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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