What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My ass is underappreciated
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
