I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
