naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
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SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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