CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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