i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
