I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
