Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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