Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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