K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
