When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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