My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
