Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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