is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
