There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
