Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
