only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
