So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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