look no pants
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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