i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
