At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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