Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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