You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
