I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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