she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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