brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
