for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
